Telling your child he is adopted

I am just wondering at what age should parents tell their child he is adopted. For one of the few times in my life, I have no answer to this one. What do you think? What age is the best time to tell your child he is adopted?

The correct answer would be it varies of course.

Telling your child that they are adopted can be a very emotional experience. When should you tell your child that they are adopted? Also, how do you tell your child? Should you keep a big secret from your child? Keeping secrets is obviously not the right answer as when he finds out that he is adopted, your child will resent you.

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For instance when the child is of an obvious different ethnic than the adoptive parents, soon enough he will get questions from his friends and will be asking the questions also.

baby adoption

Baby adoption

One thing is certain in my mind though. The child has the right to know that he is adopted. Even if it breaks the parents’ hearts down the road when he seeks to meet his biological parents or shouts “you are not my real parents!” when having a teenage tantrum.

When should you tell your child that he’s not his biological child? That’s a question many adoptive moms struggle with. The simple answer: when your child is ready. There is no right age, but children mature at different times, and it’s okay if they’re ready to receive their information at a different time than their peers.

If you’re an adoptive mother, you’ve probably had to decide when to tell your kids about their adoption. Of course, there are times you’ll want to keep a birth mother’s personal information confidential, but there also may come a time when you know it is in your child’s best interest to know. Trying to prevent your child from seeking his natural parents will only have him build resentment towrds you and idealize his birth parents. You don,t want to be the bad guy in this situation.

One signal that your child is ready to hear that he is adopted is if he asks questions. The worst thing you could do is lie or change the subject. Not taking the opportunity to answer your child’s honest question is the best way to have it backfire on you at the worst moment later.

Please share your experience if you have adopted a child.

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